Tuesday, October 14, 2014

emotional fracking.


1.    frack·ing1



noun: fracking

1.    the process of injecting liquid at high pressure into subterranean rocks, boreholes, etc., so as to force open existing fissures and extract oil or gas.

"the governor has halted gas fracking until July"



1950s: representing an abbreviated form of fracturing .


I am digging this. Literally. Had breakfast with a friend this morning, long overdue, who is such a kind, giving, benevolent soul. She is one of those people you can really see when you look at, only she doesn’t realize it, doesn’t know how much of an asset she is to the world and those around her. She is a writer. A creator. An artist.


She helped me think. Reconnect.


We discussed life, families, children, relationships; the fact that they are all difficult and complicated and special, and all that you can do is embrace them and respect that they will be all of these things and that you will at some point love them and hate them and be uncomfortable and challenged and happy. The irony that all of those things change and evolve and end up oftentimes completely differently than we experience them to be, in different places than we thought they would be.


We all come from such different, such individual and unique experiences, and, interestingly enough, we are all the same. Those individual and unique experiences, places, circumstances, they are all different TO us, while being the same THROUGH us. Our feelings, our core instincts, our intuition and joys and fears, those are all common. Yet, somehow, we overlook the importance of acknowledging that not only to others, not only in finding common ground amongst friends, but to ourselves. To honor ourselves as we would honor others, as we would want others to honor our own feelings, instincts, intuition, joys, fears.


The social shell that gets a bad rap comes about it the honest way – by earning it. It is a well-deserved bad-rap. Too many people are out and about, walking around on a daily basis without actually being there. With one foot in the present and the other in the past, future, anywhere but the now, and because of that don’t realize we have all been where they are. If I haven’t, we most definitely have. There is no reinventing the wheel of human experience, of human emotion, of human behavior,

And, for that purpose, I think of our combining these, our finding the common ground, emotional fracking. So long we have worked to fill, and cover, and mend our existing fissures, cracks, flaws, when what I believe we should do is entirely the opposite. What I want the world to embrace is the concept of fracking ourselves. Pulling apart our “existing fissures”, our cracks, our flaws, blowing the roof out of our shelters (see: social persona) and exposing those very same things that we have been working so hard to hide. Then, and only then, will we have the ability to extract the value, the richness, the beauty, than exists in all of it. When we deconstruct, when we dig up the secrets we have worked so hard to bury, it is those secrets, those bodies, those flaws, that will set us free. That which we keep hidden is the thing that binds us, chains us, to unhappiness, to discontent, to settling for less than what we want. It is that shame that lulls us into thinking we are worth less than what we are, because inherent in that are our internal voices – the not-so-nice-ones, to put it mildly – the ones that tell us all of those negative messages we hear, consciously or not, and that shape how we talk to ourselves, to others, and ultimately, how we view the world.


Think about how liberating, how absolutely freeing it would be, to lift the veil on that? I like to imagine the worst-case scenario. What is the worst that could happen? That way, I am prepared (or at least that is what I tell myself), and I can at least imagine how that would make me feel.

The worst here, the very worst, is that you will feel alone. That NO ONE – imagine this for a second: NOT ONE SINGLE SOUL IN THE HISTORY OF TIME – has ever felt the same way that you have.



Go back and read that sentence again.



If – BIG IF – that were to be true, how would you feel? Alone? Ashamed? Vulnerable, maybe, naked?



How many of those are you already feeling?


Wait, you say, but then everyone would know that I was feeling that way! Oh, the shame!! And to that I counter, who is everyone? I think it is important to share things – ask anyone in my life. I am a TALKER. THAT IS NO SECRET. And a singer, a crier, a loud laugher, a big smiler, my facial muscles move incredibly easily, making my face a pretty good gauge of my feelings. Botox would do me a disservice, but would probably lessen the burden on those who come in contact with me and prefer not to have to witness so much FEELING.

I get it. Truly, I do.

I am not suggesting you disrobe and expose your emotional streaker tendencies to everyone you come in contact with. I am, however, gently prodding all of us to share more. To, at the very least, begin with yourself. Baby steps. If you cannot acknowledge to yourself that you are not FINE all the time, then what good will sharing it with others do? I will begin by admitting I talk to myself. In the mirror. When, how, and frequency is beside the point. You’re reading my blog, you should know this about me if you don’t already, and it should come as no surprise. I am all about doing what is encouraging for your SOUL. I am an avid proponent of Living Out Loud, to the extent you need to, want to, or can handle it. Embracing ourselves is just, if not more, important as embracing others. In fact, embracing ourselves more fully allows us to be kinder, gentler, more compassionate, understanding, to realize that others are battling their own demons, and that theirs may seem or feel or be just as tough for them as ours are for us.


And that they deserve to be equally as gentle, as forgiving, as PROUD of themselves, for the level of emotional fracking they may be doing.




Pull hard, and passionately, with a fervor for what you will uncover and an excitement of what fears it will unearth. What fears you will get to toss out and debunk.


And then.


Then we, you, I (let me speak for myself, here), get the privilege of extracting, taking from that the gems that life has wrapped like a man responsible for Christmas gift-wrapping (or like MY gift-wrapping abilities. True story. Ask anyone.), crumbled paper, mismatched tags, bows that fall apart. A mess on the outside, but a true gift on the inside. Invaluable. Priceless. The diamond of lessons in every rock. And, rather than put those away, polish them. Display them proudly on a shelf, a mantle, in a spotlighted glass case where I imagine only very valuable and breakable items and such are showcased.  (I have none of these such things in my house physically because, well, I’m a bit accident-prone. Know your strengths and weaknesses, right?)


These are trophies. These are badges of honor. These lessons, these flaws, these fears unearthed…they are your beauty.




Be Beautiful.


Love you to bits…especially those bits you blow apart.



“I followed my dream and my dream led me to service. I have come to believe that this is how it ALWAYS works. We find the place where our gift and our need intersect. We become bold enough to begin using our gift to heal ourselves. Then the Universe says: HOT DAMN! SHE’S READY! and then immediately issues us an invitation to join the world of giving. The healing become the healers. The dreamers become the servers. Our gifts are used to help others rise.” - See more at: momastery